Fly-Girl

What a great pleasure it is to be a guest at the famous Pokestick. Rick has such an incredible network of blog-friends. Tremendous, witty, clever writers, all. I feel honoured and overwhelmed to be counted among you. The writers brought together on Rick's blogroll are the luckiest bloggers around. We are treated to his posts and his comments almost daily. His enthusiasm, talent and genuine interest draw us like magnets. Our Rick takes time out of his incredibly busy life to give us uniquely written pieces of himself. I know that you, like me, treasure those pieces.

Rick brings sunlight to my rainiest of days. I give thanks that we "met", for our friendship has been one of the highlights of my blogging experience. I wasn't surprised when my big hearted Tex decided to turn Pokestick into a place where he could share and introduce some of his favourite bloggers to each other. It's just the way he is. He's got a heart the size of his home state and he wants so much for us to get familiar with fellow bloggers that we may not already know.

When asked if I would be Rick's next "interview", I was a little overwhelmed and a whole lot shy. But Rick brings out the best in people and although I've shied away from guest posting until now, I decided to jump out of my comfort zone and trust.

After all, who knows me better than some of you do? Blogging has had such a profound impact on my life. I had no idea what I was getting myself into when, almost a year ago, I tentatively cracked open my first blog. I have become a better person for it. The far-reaching relationships that I have developed here have been some of the deepest, most trusting, most soul bearing friendships that I have ever had in my life. My blogroll includes people that I laugh with, cry with, rage with and share with.

I won't stupefy you with my insight or awe you with my prose. I'm just a girl who writes about her days, her dreams, her battles, her weaknesses and her triumphs. Maybe through my Pokestick experience I'll make even more priceless connections. I, for one, can't wait to see who Rick's going to feature here next week and the week after and the week after…
Thanks Rick, for giving me this opportunity to step out of the shelter of She Speaks and perhaps meet some new friends. What you're doing here at Pokestick is a really wonderful thing. You are one in a million.

My Butterfly

there may be some of you that have never read fly... although, i can't imagine it. she is by far the sweetest thing to ever grace my online life. i'm honored that we consider each other friends. well, that may not be the best terminology because we are friends... we don't just consider.

in a way, i'm very reluctant to post this... after reading this about 100 times, i realized something. i'm letting you in. this is a part of me. i'm showing you a part of my life that is so incredibly valuable, it almost seems too personal.

i never thought that i would come to this point so quickly in the new poke-stick. i thought that it would be fairly carefree and enlightening. so, seeing something that i live for everyday, raw and exposed, waiting for your comments is a bit like putting dollar figures on family keepsakes.

so with that, i give you a piece of me. the fuel that drives my mondays.

it's fairly obvious that you and i have become friends. it's a
friendship that i have grown to love and respect and honestly, i
wouldn't want to go a day without it... it's pretty funny how we
stumbled into each other. what were you first thoughts about me?

Bear with me....I'm hungover....


My first thoughts on you.... well we met because of Jason right? I know that's where I first saw you in comments. I was quite captivated by you and always read your comments to him with such interest. I remember that the fact that you didn't use CAPS somewhat dismayed me at the time, but I got over that quickly. :) Funny that we didn't connect earlier. I had lurked occasionally on your blog but it was when you first commented on my blog that the connection was made. And you had me from that point on.

You know that right? The way that you always gave such careful thought and consideration in your comments and in our emails really struck me and I did and still do value them very much. You gave so freely of yourself that it almost caught me by surprise.

i do know that... i can remember reading you for the first time and
then getting your first comment and ultimately, getting an email. our
connection was strange and familiar, like an old friend that has moved
away so we communicate through email. we've often discussed bringing
our families together...

take it one step further, imagine your favoritve bloggers all in the
same room with no name tags... do you think you would recognize them?
and... do you think that you would have any first impressions?

There are a few bloggers that I believe I would know anywhere. It's like we have a tangible connection that hums with energy. I feel quite sure that I could pick you out of a crowd of thousands. I had a dream once that I saw you at a bar. I knew it was you right away and I sat at the table next to you just to see if you'd recognize me too.

There are certain things that I associate with different people and I think that as I wandered through the room full of bloggers that I could identify them with the impressions I would get of them or even by seeing who they gravitate to. I won't rhyme off everyone here but I'll give you a few examples. In her writing, Charkey radiates calmness and serenity to me. I imagine her to be the same in person. Edge has a way of looking right into a person. I believe that he would look into my eyes just as he looks into my words. Satisfied Spouse I would recognize from her incredible strength. I can imagine her standing tall and confident in the middle of the room. Jen and Zulu have become such good friends to me already that I know any 3D meeting would feel natural and our connection would only be stronger. Of course, I'm leaving too many people out of my descriptions but with each and every blogger I read, I associate certain things, feelings and images. It may take a while to sort everybody out but what fun it would be. Remember Brian's Blogger Cruise? If only we really could all meet up like that.

you know what's funny? i don't read brian... he's one of those guys
that i see in comments everywhere, and i always think to myself that i
should read him. even last week, edge mentioned him... but, as i've
said before, i'm very reluctant to start reading men. i think part of
it has to do with me wondering what they will think of my writing? you
know, will they think i'm cool...

i've even wondered what your husband will think of me... so, what
about the "old" man? if he could sit down and read your blogroll,
would he roll his eyes, not understanding this whole blog thing? or
would he accept the blog thing, and possibly read more than a few
posts?

My husband and you would get along famously Rick. He would think as highly of you as I do. I hold out hope that one day we and our families shall meet....

Frenchie is not a writer or much of a reader either. He reads my other (less personal) blog whenever I post and he usually gets a real kick out of it. He always reads the comments and will often follow some back to their own blogs, just to check them out.

I don't think he really can understand the true nature of friendship that I have with my blogfriends. It's not really something that a non-blogger can fathom. He accepts that it's important to me and he knows that I keep a more personal blog. He's never pressed me to share it with him but he knows that I would if it was important to him. If he was to read She Speaks, he would read it every day. He would read all your comments and he would even follow the occasional link.

i can relate... honestly, it makes me want to know him even more. in
the beginning, i told my wife about the blog, but she never pressed to
read it. she understood my need for privacy. later, i eventually asked
that she read... and now, even my best friend reads. i keep pushing
them for comments, but they choose to lurk because they don't want to
interfere.

do you think you have lurkers?

I think that I have one or two. I don't check stats too often so I don't know for sure but every once in a while someone will make themselves known and come clean that they have been lurking. It always surprises me but even though I'm a commenter by nature, I can understand the need to just observe sometimes.

do you ever worry that someone from your more public blog will find
your more private blog?

It's happened. On 2 occasions I've actually had people come across both my blogs and comment on both. It was odd because they hadn't made the connection. I emailed both of them in a hurry to let them know before they started to wonder. Also, on 2 different occasions I had people come across me and recognize me right away from my more public blog.

It's not something that I worry about too much. I started my more personal blog because I was feeling a little stifled by readers from my 3D life. Sometimes I just wanted to let it out or rant or write sexy stuff and I just didn't feel like I had the freedom to do that there.

I have you to thank for my personal blog. You were the driving force behind it and gave me valuable advice at a time when I felt fettered by family-friendly posts. Just one more reason to love you.

see? your willingness to love is what gets me... it's the thing that
draws me in, the part of you that is warm and safe. i could go on for
hours like this, the back and forth... the conversation... i won't,
but i want to.

everyday for the past umpteen months, i've been greeted each day with
an email. somedays it's just a one liner... others, it's a paragraph.
it really doesn't matter how long it is because it always contains 2
things... can you guess the 2?

Hm. I don't know. Let's see. Our emails are really important to me. They can be flirty or fun or serious or supportive or anything we need them to be. But underneath it all there is always the basic understanding of us and the things between us. Sometimes we talk about them, sometimes they just go without saying. Maybe.....

Unconditional friendship and love?

of course (i knew you would get it... yes, it was a test, but i knew
you would pass.) you're the best, doll. i really appreciate this. like
i said, it means the world. thank you, from the bottom of my heart.

Anytime Rick. And thanks for asking me to do this. Spending my time talking to you is a wonderful way to spend the day.

xo
Fly
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fly writes almost daily at She Speaks... it's found at http://shespeaksfreely.blogspot.com. again, if you haven't read her, do it now. there are few people in this world that loves the way she loves. i am a better person for it.