i've thought about it, and i just don't think it's worth going into the beginning of our relationship.
i can remember being his age... i can remember changing, and changing, and changing, until one day i woke up and realized i'm not who i used to be. i still have those thoughts, but i no longer act on them.
if you look at his picture, and then mine, you can almost see a resemblance. the goatee, the shaved head, the redish tint to our beard... i go beyond that. i see myself in him. he's standing at the crossroads of life, about to make a crucial decision, and i know how he feels. we all know how he feels.
if you haven't been reading shane... you should. he's writing from his heart, he's dealing with his thoughts, he's becoming a better person just by simply trying to be a better person...
i don't proclaim to have any special insight for him, i'm just glad to be a reader in his journey. soon, i hope you are too.
normally, i would start off asking how we met or what were your first impressions of me... but, i think i'll steer clear of that for now. it's no secret that you and i had an interesting beginning... what intrigued me about you though, is your family is a very important part of your blog... most of us hide behind fake names or obscure titles to stay away from our families. exactly who in your family reads your blog, and how many of them have their own blogs?
You sure you don't want to discuss the notorious "beginning"? I could write volumes on that. Yeah … it's probably best if we don't.
"Family" is a word that I've been exploring in depth lately. It's a word that I really haven't understood until a couple of months ago (the revelation isn’t important right now). I know that those that share the same bloodline are considered family, but I like to include certain people outside of the Apple circle under the umbrella. I include my friends. I include my brothers and sisters in the armed forces. I include people that have made a significant impact on my life. So if I was to answer your question by my definition of the word, I would list dozens of people, but I suspect that that’s not your intention.
Strictly speaking in terms of blood relatives, there are still quite a few. Of course my beautiful wife, Heather, reads my blog regularly. My big sister, OhGreat One (OGO) and her husband,CaCa Boy read it. My little sister, B-Lips (get your minds out of the gutter; it’s a childhood nickname) and both of my parents, The Eagle Man (Dad) and Mama Eagle (well, duh). My family supports most of my posts most of the time. Every once in awhile I’ll strike a nerve and have to answer to the herd, but they’re usually pretty cool with what I have to say.
It’s funny that you should mention my lack of a moniker and my openness even before my family’s eyes. I think it has to do with my infatuation with honesty. My parents always taught me to be honest as long as I use tact. Well, I’ve got the honesty down, but sometimes I struggle with the tact (I thank the USMC for that). I take great pride in speaking my mind. I have nothing to hide. I’m an open book. Hiding behind a fake name takes away from that honesty that I so desperately seek. Shane. I’m comfortable with that. I’m comfortable with
everyone knowing me as such because after all, we’re family, right?
yes, you are right... and it's a growing family. we live each other's lives through the words poured into these ip addresses. at times, someone far away can have such an impact on my day... or my views of the day.
you said something recently that really hit home... it was in one of your recent posts, the one about re-enlisting in the marines. basically, you were discussing your reasons for going back versus your need to NOT chase the "company rabbit". i've felt the need to escape corporate ladder climbing for years... i just don't know how. so...i'm curious, why do we feel the need to escape the corporate lifestyle?
The simple answer is that I'm scared to death of growing old. I don't know if it's come through in my posts, but I've been having a bit of a premature mid-life crisis over the past year or so. I'm only 25 and I'm already agonizing over missed opportunities. I'm petrified that one day when I'm creepin' up on 65 years old I'll be plagued by the thought, "If I would have pursued a
commission in the Marine Corps, I would have retired 20 years ago. I would have had time to retire from another career. Instead I've been plugging away at this same boring ass desk job for the past thirty years. Damn I fucked up. It’s too late." Those words haunt my mind. It’s too late.
Let me say this: there is absolutely nothing wrong with the corporate lifestyle. There's nothing wrong with climbing the ladder. There's nothing wrong with wearing a shirt and tie and drinking coffee while you look over the latest TPS report, but that's not what I want out of life. I want to be sore after a long day's work. It's great that my back aches and my eyes burn after a day of sitting at my computer, but I want to have calluses on my hands and blisters on my feet. I want to earn that neck rub at the end of the day. I like the idea of leading a grey-collar lifestyle -- not really blue because I'll be filling much of my day with administrative tasks, but not quite white because I'll be getting down in the mud with the rest of my men.
I like to tell stories. I like painting a picture. I like the suspense of a good yarn, but I need some raw materials to make that happen. Between you and me, I'm not going to find that in an office. There’s something unnatural about a man being caged in an office with the pictures of his wife and kids mocking him from their place on his desk. A man needs to lead. A man needs to call his troops to formation and brief them on the plan of attack for the day, not sign
another God forsaken office birthday card.
My point is that I will NOT regret my career path. I will NOT sit my grandson on my knee and tell him about the time I overlooked the operations expense column on the spreadsheet and it threw the whole income statement off. I’ll tell him about the time when I called in the air strike that obliterated an enemy fortress that nobody else could penetrate. I WILL be proud of what I do. Frankly, for me, there’s no pride where there’s no glory, and there’s no glory in an environment that sees men bitch like a bitch when the A/C goes out. It’s not natural.
oh man. you are raw tonite... it's cool though. i like raw. i find it liberating to say something that someone else may not... not because of shock value, but because it's they way i fucking feel. often times though, i go back and re-edit, re-trace, re-type because i'm afraid that someone out there may not agree or understand. that's where you and i differ for the most part. you're willing to call a "bitch" a
"bitch", where as i'm more apt to say "female dog"... unless of course, we are talking about flirting... in which case, i kick your ass. : )
lately, you've been talking about self discovery, opening yourself to the "new" shane, but still wanting to remain the "old" shane... where do you think the median will fall? what will this mixture of "new" and "old" shane produce?
No doubt about that! I know better than to challenge you to a flirt-off.
The goal is this: make others happy while being proud to claim myself as my own. Does that make sense? Not really? Let me explain.
It's no secret that I try to make everyone happy. I try to beckon to everyone's want. There’s no greater feeling in the world to me than to be liked. Sure respect and admiration and all the other stuff manly men want are cool, but I just want to be liked. That’s why I keep a blog. It’s not because I enjoy writing for myself – I write for you and her and him. I want to make you think or smile. I want to piss you off … not at me, but at whatever my cause of the
day is. At the same time I want to be proud of myself. I want you to like me, but I want to like myself too. I don’t want to feel like a monkey dancing for a peanut. I want to remain true to myself. I want to be me, but a me that you like. As you can imagine, this is a difficult balancing act. This is what I struggle with on a daily basis. I’m not stupid. I know that I can’t make
EVERYONE happy, but I want to get as close as possible.
I’ve spent the past year or so tearing myself apart. I’ve found every flaw I have. I’ve devised plans to attack these flaws. Now the only thing left to do is to execute. It just so happens that you guys have entered my life during this execution phase. Maybe you guys can help me mend the seams of this mix and match self that I’m creating.
What do I think the outcome will be? Well, I don’t think there ever will be a “final” outcome. I guess the only product I can expect is to be better today than I was yesterday. Progress is the goal. Learning from my mistakes. Pursuing perfection. The way I look at it is that the day you stop chasing perfection is the day you lay down and give up. The day I lay down and give up is the day I attain perfection. Even though I know that day will never come, I’ll spend every one striving for it.
My goal is to respect myself. My goal is for others to see absolutely no remnant of my former, angry, unenlightened, narrow-minded self. I don’t care if people call me smart, or witty or wise – I want people to say, “That Shane’s a good man.”
bro , i strive for the same thing. i just want to be known for being the best person that i can be... or could be... or will be...
whoa... i just realized that there are several of us that live in texas. i used to know only kelli, she was my lone texan... now that i think about it, there's me, you, heather, kelli, the lovely k, and cat...
ever thought about a blogger party, texas style? like... somewhere around austin, listening to pat green sound-a-likes, sharing twisted stories and good times, beers and smiles?
Honestly, no. I'm a bit of an introvert. I have no problem spilling my guts all over my blog, but I think I would freeze up in person. I like the way things are right now. I'm afraid that if I was surrounded by such blog legends, I would choke. My stutter would become more pronounced and all of the sharp witty things that flow so naturally onto my blog would escape
me. I'm afraid that you guys would be left wondering, "Who the hell was that? That surely wasn't the Shane that we've come to know so well. That was clearly a dull, stuttering, awkward fraud." I don't want that.
Reciprocally, I'm afraid of my opinions of you guys becoming diminished. You guys are so amazing to me. Part of this is because every one of you are like a celebrity in my eyes. I read what you say, but I don't really "know" you, much like I read about an actor/actress, but I don't know them. I'm in awe whenever I get a comment from any one of you because it's like John Elway (my idol) answering one of my fan letters as a child. That could be ruined if we removed that element. Not to mention, once you throw some alcohol into the mix, a view
of admiration can quickly become one of disgust. You guys are on a pedestal right now and I don't want to let you down.
shane... thank you so much for your time. when i first thought this thing up, i was afraid that there wouldn't be anyone willing to participate. no joke... i thought i would have to make up interviews... like "rick interviews big bird" or something corny like that.
we have come a long way in a short amount of time. i appreciate your willingness to open your heart, not only in everyday blogging or emails, but for this crazy little idea i have hear at the stick.
oh, and in case you didn't read my post on friday, it went something like "that shane's a good man..."
Dude, it was so my pleasure. I had a blast (who doesn't like to talk about themself?). If it didn't seem like such a blatant rip off, I would ask to interview you, but I've got too much respect for you to milk your one-of-a-kind idea. What makes you different from all of the other blogs bogging down Googles servers is that you actually have something to say. I would love to pry in there and extract some things from your mind, but like usual, you snagged this kick-ass
idea before I had the chance.
Thank you, Rick, for including me on this freakin' su-weeet project. In the immortal words of Tony the Tiger, this idea is "Grrrrrrrrrreat!" (too cheesy?).
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Shane is the author of "Faceless Phoenix" found at http://tempestreborn.blogspot.com . He's good about posting, so it seems as though there's always something new to read. Be careful though, his wife and sister and brother in law and other sister and dad and mom all read and blog. Don't go flame-throwing at his blog, you'll have a hornet's nest to deal with if you do. Now, go and read him!
